As easy as falling out of bed I realized I'd never shop for another father's day, birthday, holiday, or any other kind of card for my dad ever again. He's gone. There's no 'replacement' Dad who I'll begin sending cards to instead.
I remember when I used to shop for cards for him, finding the pre-printed Hallmark message that struck just the right note was important to me. Something indicating I was thinking of him, but nothing too smarmy. Because if it was too smarmy, that would've been terrible, right?
With the hindsight of today, the card I'd send now would say something like:
"Hey Dad, thinking of you. I didn't spend much time with you this last decade; I wish I'd spent more. I didn't always answer your calls, and I'm sorry. We had some rough times early on, but both of us grew past that. I've come to appreciate all the positive things you did for me, stuff a child can never really repay, other than to accept and acknowledge it. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you in my life. Your son, Bruce."
5 comments:
I went through the same thing- there are a couple days of the year when I'd just like to bury my head somewhere and not pay attention to what day it is.
I will say that writing does help a bit, so writing a regular card like that seems like a good idea to me :)
This is simply awesome Bruce.
I completely understand what you're experiencing, Bruce.
I lost my dad ten years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about what he selfishly did for me when I was growing up. He was a proper grafter and worked hard up until and even beyond retirement.
I look at what he did, at what he achieved, how he conducted himself and it's nothing but an inspiration to me and a template for how I should live my life.
I miss him every single day and I will do so until the day that I see him and my mum again.
That's what I call a Grief Suckerpunch. It's that unexpected and painful reminder that your loved one is gone. It'll keep happening until your brain comes to terms with the loss, basically until you stop forgetting that your dad is gone. (I don't mean forget in that you've forgotten he's gone, but your brain's default setting is that your dad is only a phone call away. It will take months before your brain changes that default setting.)
My dad died about 3 weeks before Father's Day last year, and I ended up sending my mom flowers. I also sent her flowers on his birthday.
I just read this and then read your other post "A few words about my dad," and he sounds like he was one hell of a good guy. You made me feel thankful I still have my dad around, and for my young ones, who are enjoying their grandpa, something I didn't really have, since both of mine passed early. I'm 41 and lucky. My dad lost his dad when he was 31.
Anyhow, thanks for sharing your memories, Bruce. Glad to hear you had a dad who spent his time with you and shared some of his know-how and personal philosophies. I feel for your loss.
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